Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: blog, impression, nothingness, personal, thoughts
3:01 in the morning I can’t sleep. I can feel the pain in my back; don’t have any idea in my mind. Been three months since I plan to create new poetries or at least short anecdotes about how beautiful the afternoon rain was or how stunning the morning was… I started a lot of projects but I can’t finish anything. As if that I am about to fall into a black hole – the closer I get to the center of the hole the gravitational pull gets stronger then I will vanquish into nothingness.
Gone.
What the … my first blog for 2008?!?
I never realized that I’d been very busy but I felt like nothing’s happening. My dreams have no meaning. I am still alone … still counting handwritings on the wall. I am a lifeless, mindless robot in this city with crazy and ironic people. I’m nearing thirty but still think like a 16 year old, still stuck with my teen age ways. If there is a thing that I regret with my life; that is I, being impatient and too curious. I hate this feeling that I still have what ifs.
My whole body is aching today. My beau and I went to UP to jog, at least for now both of us are working out and have a healthy lifestyle. We’re both all bloated up. It’s about time. After the jog I asked my beau if there is a close mercury drugstore, he said two blocks away. I never thought two blocks means from Balara to Commonwealth Ave.
Lesson: never ask a first time jogger for a direction, or you know what will happen.
oOo
October 20, 2007
I am alone
Guess it will be me, I and myself.
I had been very lonely. I can’t even remember how
to give a genuine-good laugh with anything funny. I am not so sure if
having this blanket is a good idea … well whatever it felt right
anyway. Work is extremely boring. Assisting client on how to open his own
office computer is not that very rewarding. Most of the time providing
support to some New Yorkers’ assholes and bitches in which their issue
were just, they were unable to locate missing word document that they just had
save few minutes ago is very irritating. Hearing some racial slur not only on
TV even during my work is very aggravating. I know there is more to come. Damn,
I can’t wait.
I’ve been studying programming lately, little by
little slowly picking up. I have some hard time dividing myself
though. I wish I can bilocate myself to fasten up my learning. I
wish I would be able to find my niche and be able to get a good paying
job. I am not getting any younger now. I need to do it myself since
nobody will be able to help me. I need to stand alone and fight my own
battle for I am alone and it is a mature thing to do.
I just got cool news from one of my girl friend who happens
to be a member of a band. She mentioned that my poem that I wrote, I
guess I was 17 or 18 years old back then is now a track. I had heard it
on imeem and I can say that hearing your own words being sung by an artist is
great. It feels like somebody accepted you and recognized you not only
with what you can do but who are you as a person.
I guess I need to file a vacation leave and travel
somewhere. Get lose. Hopefully I and my boo will be able to do
that. I can’t wait to kiss him in the wilderness. Whew! Creepy I
know but it sounds sexy. *laughs*
Talking Skin 