Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: life, love, love relationship, past, personal
September 25, 2007 4:09 PM
I had written thousand of letters for you. I have had written tons of journals and poems about my life experiences with you.Most of it you never manage to read it and most it I believe you intended not to read it.It’s been 3 years and I never thought that we will be able to talk again. Yes I am happy because at least you open the channel of communication.We cannot hide nor run with something because it will hunt us no matter how much we try to conceal it.What you did is like freeing yourself from yourself – saving yourself from yourself.I am sure all the things that were happened to you good or bad will make you a better person.I can say that I was overwhelmed by all the truths that you had said.I know it will take lots of courage for telling those and accepting the fact that you did something wrong. I enjoy talking to you as if I am talking to you for the very first time and this time no more walls, boundaries, no more stories.Yes, I also feel comfortable talking to you.In someway you know me well.You understand me well.
Everything you had said was right.It will be very hard for both us to have this friendship work because we hurt too many people in the past aside from ourselves.On my end my families and friends, on your end your families especially your mum.Oh well, they’ll not be able to know it anyway, what the heck – *laughs*.I want to make sure that we will be able set up a sturdy foundation for this friendship.We spoke about what was happen to us after the breakups but we never talk about how exactly we feel after that. I want to know not only for the sake of knowing it, but for me to be able to complete the puzzle that I am trying to solve for three years.
I had observed that when we talk there are some unwanted dead airs, but I know back in our mind we want to speak up and share something and want to say something but something’s stopping us from talking.What is that, I still don’t know.I believe in due time we will be able to discover it.
All I want was closure, we haven’t talked about it much yet, but I know sooner the wound that I have will completely healed.I created clouds in a certain part of my memory because I don’t want to remember since it was painful.
For now let’s just enjoy each other’s company and enjoy all the new things that we will be able learn from each other.
I feel like I am a freshman.
Surprise! Surprise!
The asshole who thinks he is god viewed my account in friendster. *LMAO*. I was not really expecting it and plus I really don’t want to give it a damn but he just called me a psycho. Well I don’t have any problem with that me calling a psycho or a wacko or anything to that effect, but I just observed that there is still angst? *laughs* I wonder why? It’s been like almost two years baby the emotion should not be there. Well, it isn’t my problem anymore. I just find it really funny. Until now he never recognizes his fault. Well in my end I know there are some gnarly things that I did already mentioned that to him a very long time now but will I believe his so called god is ingraining that kind of values to him. Again of course the stereotyping is still there well it is very normal with people who congratulates them self too much. He hates me because I went to UP? Or he hates people who attended UP because deep inside he wished to be part of UP system? Not sure though. Well he is not “bobo” in academic sense; I gave him that he can actually go beyond on what he is now. I mean he can be better than that, but well I know what are missing; character and self realization. I am saying these things not because I am perfect and I want to play god, but it is just that I am the person out of his box. Well that was before though.
Why do I care?
Not really.
It is really a good thing though that I manage to know his whereabouts and happy at least things are well with him except for the stereotypical thingy and anguish. If anguish is still present there is still suffering.
Life has been good to me, now at least there are no emotional torments and hatreds and starvation and delusions and hypocrisy. I am now thinking about something relevant and important. Too much idealism sucks it will just feel you more idiot. Letting go is healthy because it gives new hope and bright lights. Love is painful and yet it will give you an overwhelming frame of mind. On how I describe my life now, as if I have a new set of jigsaw puzzle and currently starting to solve and connect all of those pieces that will fill in the gaps for my new picture frame. I am merely 25 but I am seeing a line in my eyes at this moment … makes me want to drink more coffee.
Talking Skin 