Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: anger management, family, personal, thoughts, work
Woke up this afternoon and found out that Turrow’s book had been torn into pieces. As if I am looking in the desolate scene of the movie Malena. Haven’t read the novel yet and it literally pissed me off. I don’t know how long the dog will be staying in the apartment. I had a bad day yesterday and what I’ll do, I’ll focus on what I am be doing. I know that I have to be perfect or else they might kick me out of the curve. I bought noodles for dinner and didn’t enjoy it. I felt like I wasted my money on something I don’t like. Oh well and yes the sudden change of schedule made my toes wreathed. I suppose to be going home tomorrow morning but since I have new schedule I will not be able to go. I miss my mother and father so much. I miss my baby brother as well. I wish that there is an MRT going straight to our province so that I will not going to rent a house here in Manila. Little by little I am learning how to discipline myself in terms of controlling my emotions… oh well .. Goodluck /hehe
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: conversation, family, friend, platonic relationship, sunset
You never heard the voice of your father;
He breathed his last breath and never looks at you straight in the eye
You face the reality of the other people alone
Without even knowing who you are
I was heading my way to the place of my new compulsion
A space that generously fills me with icing and has cherry on the top
As long as you pay them no problem
In which always gives me a sensation of exuberant skin deep though and I
accidentally dive in to your world
You said you never met your mother and
Finally after 20 odd years of waiting
You will be able to see her
You were imagining how things would be like
While the stick bread consume in our mouth
We were exchanging our views with what will happen
How things would be like, we nourished ourselves with ideas and new
concepts
As if we were creating a world that only the two of us will be able to
distinguish
And we walk endlessly, tried to give comfort to each and it was cool
Because everything is intimate and yet very platonic
You were extremely vulnerable
And you’re not giving yourself so easily
One thing I have noticed you never look straight to the eye just like
your dad
You travel and manage to meet your mother
And you reminded her so much of your father but
You find it very scary because she loves you the way she loved your dad
My relationship with a boyfriend was shaky during that time as well
You’re not visiting that place anymore and so do I
Until now almost two years no exchange of thoughts
No hellos and yet I could still feel the life force
I am still flipping the pages of the digital magazines and yes
Still creating a world of my own, that kind of world that we dreamt
about
I am wounded and I need time to heal myself … I’m
Silently fighting and perpetuating my existence
The other day I was in the bus station, I looked outside
From the windowsill I saw a spider rebuilding his web
Everything went flash back to the time that we first met
Strange I could not see a face and yet everything was so bright
The only thing that I could see is a silhouette
As if a faceless Jesus
Blurry
So here until now probably you’re confronting your very own personal
demon
Correct me if I’m wrong though …
If your going to ask me if I’m doing the same thing?
I survived and vanquished it
I’m not screaming until my lungs hurt if I encountered unpleasantries
Not anymore.
Silence is a good pugilist
Peace.
By
Selma
09.10.05
Talking Skin 